Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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