I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize