He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
