Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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