All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize