Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
