OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
