so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
