whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize