The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
