I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
