saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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