i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
