Please, let me fuck your mom
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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