Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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