i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
