I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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