Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
