I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
