And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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