I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
