I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
