I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
