we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
