M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
