Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize