When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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