hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
