apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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