I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
