new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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