p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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