I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize