How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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