She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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