Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
