i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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