I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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