He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
