That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
