Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
