I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
