I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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