Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Randomize
