I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
