So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
