Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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