My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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