i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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