There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
