Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
