The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
