i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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