Dual....:-)
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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