you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize