I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
