the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
