Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
