If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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