I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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