is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
