So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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