I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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