I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
