Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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