Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
