Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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