Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
