Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
