Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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