Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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