Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
