Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
