dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
