she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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