I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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