Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize