It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
