You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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