He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
