How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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