I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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