I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
