I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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