Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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