Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
