no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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