He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
