They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
