its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
