My brain says no but my pants say off.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
