what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
