If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
be right there i have to get my cape
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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