I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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