I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
