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I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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