areolas are like halos for boobs.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
